20221027 awaken

 

today I'm discharged from kh. it feels like I'm back to the reality from dream...

the feeling is strange.. the feeling of lingering between dream n reality..

I missed the co-patients there, missed the nurses that I used to see every day, missed the good  servers who joke n help w/ me... 

what's more... I miss the doctor who walked me through the tough times. he had been there, for a few dozens of meetings, always listening. 

we hv had sincere n emotional conversations. through discussions he provided guidance for my decision making in life. 

he, who absorbed my negative energy n bottled up my secrets, is somebody I can depend on. he was the one who made me feel secured n gave me courage to make a change. 

somehow, I've developed an emotional bond to him. n it kind of becomes a habit for me to look forward to the next meeting. 

now that I'm away from that cage, no one is gonna come visit me. no more waiting, no more longing, no more hoping... 

memories from the dream are bitter sweet. n its vivid. 

it seems like I'm back to the hell. in contrast, it's more like a heaven there. 

what happened if I like it better there? could I really be silly enough to keep dreaming, dare not to awake? 

why should I think of that as a heaven n hope to be back, or is it an excuse not to move forward in life? the future is mine! I should own my stories, ok?!